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Trip Report 2025-01-31 LSD
This page is from my personal notes, and has not been specifically reviewed for public consumption. It might be incomplete, wrong, outdated, or stupid. Caveat lector.1:30pm: 240ug of [LSD] (plus a third phenibut capsule)
intents for the day:
- generally feel my feelings and my body
- what gets in the way of taking myself seriously, of being the sort of agent I'd model for a young kid?
- is there this stuck, ungrieved sense of failure or pointlessness? it feels so alone, unseen, unacknowledged
"the only real grief is for points of view" (-the most LSD thing someone could say)
what people really want is to feel seen
if I had 10x more agency what would I do?
- find people of virtue
the story is: I was good and I was trying this whole time
- everything else is grief - stories to let go of
- (of course we let go of all stories but we trust that one)
it's all in the quality of attention.
- writing any conclusions is just an attempt to short-circuit, to avoid, to run from it. but ultimately you notice it feels better not to run
fuck the thing that LSD has that even MDMA doesn't is just the fucking bounty of attention. it will not abandon me. I'm learning to accept that
"best and strongest self"